Good Enough

This last week has been a tough one. There has been some crazy things going on at work that have totally made me want to stress eat. I have managed to mostly keep things under control.

I have been struggling with my personal fight or flight responses. I tend to push everything away and cocoon into myself. Our scale broke somehow one night, so I haven't weighed myself in a while. I am afraid I haven't lost any weight but at the same time I feel like I am doing better foodwise.

I worry that the ladies who are in charge of me in the Kaiser Bariatric program will not think I want this. I do want to participate in this program and am just trying to slowly work on my own emotional issues, sorting through them and letting go of the things I can and telling myself I am enough. That phtase is the hardest for me. I am enough. There was a movie that came out called Mom's Night Out and let me tell you, it was like someone had found the inner-most emotions in my soul and plastered them on a screen. So much of that movie speaks to me. I like watching it, the scene where the main character talks to a biker in a police station is the most important to me. She keeps saying she isn't enough and he says "Enough for who? For them or for you?" something like that. It is true, when I feel not good enough who is holding the ruler? It is me. I am telling myself I am not good enough.

I have been working on calming this feeling when I feel it. Recognizing that this feeling isn't how the world sees me is very important to this process. I tell myself that I am the only one who can determine my personal value and I am the only one who can make that value stick.